im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
