hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
