I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
