I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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