What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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