he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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