U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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