its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
