I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
