this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
