So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
