i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
