he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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