I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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