I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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