He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You've changed since you got that strap on
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
