I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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