I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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