I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
