you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
