I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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