Just fell off a train. Bad.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
