My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
