he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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