There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
