she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
