THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
