Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
