Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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