ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
