If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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