I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
