The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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