What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You pole danced in your parka.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
