You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
