i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
