i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
