I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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