Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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