What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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