My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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