That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
