I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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