Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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