Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
