I want you more than these girls want KFC
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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