i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
