I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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