Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
