I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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