I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
