i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
